Sunday, July 8, 2012


Woke up at 10 ... with a Hangover from the previous day ..

A headache soo bad that I was sooo close entitling myself as Psyduck.

I do not complain though, it was worth the booze the day before

Also with a bane ache, I woke up with the craving Urge to booze again

So By 12pm, when I felt a lil better.

I called up 3 of those same peeps, from the previous day, to meet up and Jam again

And it turns out I was not the only one with the Urge.

Soo By AFTERNOON.. we all plan to meet up and get insober again ..

By 1 , I leave my place... with an inebriate plan 

On My way to it  .. I started to think about a few random thingies

Like how I NEVER used to Booze... and How I thought I never will.. and then, what got me started with it.

Then Songs from Sharabi, Karam(Subhash Ghai flick, Some Awesome drunken songs its got)..
Songs By Wiz Khalifa, FUN, Kid Rock etcetra
All of their Daaru Classics i would murmer..

ALSO, what would race through my mind are some extracts from Madhushaala, A treat for a Poem lover.. A Ball for a Drinker Poem Lover

Extracts like This one.

My grandpaa's favourite..

मदिरालय जाने को घर से चलता है पीने वाला ।
किस पथ से जाऊं? असमंजस में वो भोला भाला ।।
अलग अलग पथ बतलाते सब .. पर मई यह बतलाता हूँ ।
राह पकड़ तू एक चलाचल .. पा जायेगा मधुशाला ।।

Anyway.. So Plan's all set for Jugheads, Powai.

Jugheads, The Unrestaurant based on the Character of the Archies Comic books.(Actually It just tries and Imitates Pop Tates)

Jugheads, The place that once was our Casa..

Jugheads, The Place where we once sneaked out of, without paying the Bill. and THEN never came back..(Some Story it is. A different post about that, some other Day)

When it came to our knowledge that the whole management had changed.. a long time back.

we went back there again. Thinking that it would be safer now.

And I donno why am i speaking so much bout the place.

coz Jugheads has nothing do with with the Post..

Only that Jugheads was the place, where the moment we placed our Derriere on the chair..

We read the Notice and learned from the manager.. That it was Dry-day, meaning No Alcohol availability, anywhere in Mumbai TODAY

We looked at each others Faces .. Commiserate, Pitiful Faces .. that had a Doggy like Look.
The look that the Dog throws at you, when he's promised a bone.. and does not get one.

But We were Maddogs.. The mercenary kind.
In laymen terms.. We were Tom and Jerry's Spike.. and Not Richie Rich's Dollar.
Folks born in 90's and who spent their life facing The TV in the previous decade know what I'm talking about.



If I had to persuade the two girls, who had come with us to go show their Titties, to get us some booze, I would've done it!!
Uhh.. I just chose not to .. *ducks*

We could'nt just give up though..
Coz There's this thing about getting drunk..
If you leave ur place with a mind that you wanna get Tipsy today ..
Then, NOTHING ELSE can content you .. throughout the day..
Not even Philadelphia Cheesecake ..

Anyway, So while we were browsing our options viable for today..
We thought .. What is Cheap, Easy Available, and Can get us Nice and Tipsy..?
THEN, we all came to a common decision, BHANG ..
We then said it in Chorus "BHANGG!!!" ...

Now none of us knew how to get hold of it...(Just Tagged it 'Easily Available' for the heck of it)

If we've ever had Bhang before .. It was on Holi.

and at different different places..

So for starters we went down and asked the Panwala, just outside Jugheads.. If he had any Bhang on him...
The Panwala, looked more like JAY BARUCHEL, Remember Jay Baruchel?
That Guy from The sorceror's apprentice? No? 
Ok ..Danger from the 'Million Dollar Baby' ? Niente?
Okay! That Loser from 'She's Outta My League' ?
Just see The Pic ---->

So The Panwala HAS Bhang.. which he sells in a Gutkaa like small packet, The packets have it in powdered form.. which you mix in a fluid and swallow it.. 
I took 2 of those.. Rs.3 per packet.

When in suspicion I asked, Is this thing Real?

He said NO to that..
He said "NAKLI BHANG hai.. Lekin aapka Pet Saaf Ho Jayega"
"Abey, Jamalgota maanga terese?.. Bhang dey" I gently reverted.

He said he had nothing else...

I looked at the Pirated Bhang in my hand ..

Considering No other option at that point.. We gave this a GO!

Antique quote 'Beggars are not Choosers'.. Know what i mean?

So now..
❒ Liquid to put the Bhang in
❒ The Place

So we again, we took a vote( I called all the Shots) to have it in Chaas.. AMUL MASTI CHAAS precisely, and Outside the Joggers Park, Hiranandani

We got the packet out .. mixed it in the Chaas.. Swaad Anusar.

Followed the ancient tradition of CHEERS'ing  by smashing the Chaas cartons with one another .. and exuberantly took a sip.

After having it..!
There was'nt a minute change in the taste..

If anything.. It started tasting like the Chaas from my natives, We term it 'Maathaa'..


I took the bhang powder out n licked it a lil bit

It tasted like Chaat Masala.

It was such a Piss off ..

I felt sooo Trolled.. that Mussadi Lal would LOL me out..

"PET SAAF HO JAYEGA?"... Is that what Bhang is ..some sort of Hajma?

He turned the heavy abuser switch On in me!

Nor did my friends vaguely feel any kind of a Kick or remotely something like that...

Soo We just mixed the whole thing in our Chaas... and Gulped it down the throat...

AND THEN, There... I felt a slight something, I'd say like a Fart in a Windstorm..

and I recalled, How unlike everything else, Bhang takes time to get to you.

Still Sitting on the curb, outside the Joggers park..


Not Talking to each other.. JUSSST Sitting there..

Past cursing the Panwala..

A lotta stuff started running through our minds.. All the relevant and more than that the Irrelevant, Misclassifed, mismatched stuff

From Euro Cup Final.. to Pranab Mukherjee's nominaton for the Prez of India

From Kunnal Nayyar, Koothrapali from #TBBT marrying a Supa Hot Chick .. to Higg's Boson Particle..

From Bhola Zarda/Gutka .. to The Panwala who trolled Us..

Well ..Did he??

I did not feel intoxicated/high .. nor did anyone.. But a different form of sluggishness entered in..

Locking all my joints.. I sure felt like ...Stephen Hawking.

Ok Overrated?.. 
maybe Hritik Roshan from Guzarish.

It actually felt kinda good..

Sitting there, I started to recollect a TV series that used to come, when I was a kid.. where to finish a certain mission, the girl would stop Time, using some cards. Cardcaptors I think..

Fictional or Real.. I just wanted the time to stop.

I had not felt soo quite and calm for a very long time..!

Serenity and Nature had wedded that very moment ..

Why is the Dog staring at me? The Dog has a Mark on his lower left side of the Face. I've seen that kind of Mark ..
It was on My friend Kevin's face..
But Kevin died 4 yrs back!!
Is it my Friend Kevin?? Reincarnated..!
He's the only one I know who had a mark like that..and He loved dogs..
The Dogs Eyes look a lot like Kevin's .. i.e. Invisible from a Distance.

Or is it just some mad dog ... whose come for my vintage one rupee Coin from 1947. He sure is staring at my Bag .. that has the wallet .. that has the coin.. But how does he know I have a coin in there..! 

Crap..! They are dogs .. They can see and hear evrything in an out, stuff that even humans cant
Half of CID cases they show on TV are solved by Dogs ..

<the dog goes away>

*looks around*

Oh Fuck a Huge Dick in The Sky ..! (In The shape of the clouds)
Now it Diminishes ...
Is there some kinda divine message for me in there?
Oh Yes..! I played a Prank with the Chicken Butcher's Kid, from the slums the other day..
The Butchers gonna fucking Castrate me.. for it
Can we get the Insurance done for Testicles?
People have gotten it done for different different parts of their body.
I saw it on the newspaper the other day.
With or without insurance.. How do u join a Cut Penis or a Testicle man??
Crap! I don wanna be a eunuch

<looks around to divert himself from the thought>
Why is every Building in hiranandani of same colour..? Muddy Colour.
Its like everyone's come to school with the common uniform ...

<Looks At THE BUSINESS TOWER >(A glass tower,which is not of the same brown mud colour)
Iska Birthday hai aaj..!

The One friend amongst us .. who has a liver of a Pirate, and had real good control over alcohol and other broken things... somehow managed to drag the other 3 of us inside the Park.

<watching people jog>
Look at that Fat guy .. Fat as Fuck .. Fatter than the nutty professor himself .. He's gnna start panting, when he's just half crossed the Ground
A Lady skinier than Kate Moss also comes to Jog.. Why? she definetly works in a circus, and is made to pass through hoops as small as the ring.

<After a few other visual encounters>

*tears out the grass*

The Mud beneath the Grass came out ..
Spoiled my shirt, n Jeans. Filthified it..

The friend sitting beside tells me "Uthke Saaf Karle nah?"


If i could get up and tidy my attire.
then I could get everyone up and run 'em to their Chores, Their Homes, Dinner Together or whteva ..

'Cleanliness' Nerve and 'On The Move' Nerve .. I had neither of 'em .!

We just stayed there... Staring at whatever was served in front of the Eye.

Stayed there till 8:30.. doing what we were doing..

Imagine SITTING AT A PLACE FOR HOURS.. Not even moving a Leaf.. The Ass wasnt complaining either.

Just then, my Father rings me.. and tells me I have to cum home soon.

The fear of getting screwd rushed my adrenaline.. but only to an extent, the Bhang allowed it.

I still felt very Sluggish..

It took me 10 minutes to get on my feet .. n bout 30 minutes 2 get everyone on their Hoofs

The way we walked out of the Park, We resembled Penguins.

Now.. The Facedown... 

Facing my father..

After you watch al the Teen movies.. 
You start to expect.. YOU START TO WISH, that your life TOO, was soo cliched
You enter your place Drunk..

Your father "Son..Wait, why are you so late? Are you drunk again?"
You're Like "Why dont you stop bothering me? Gimme my space.. Dad"
Father does not say another word... Keeps Mum.. 
The following morning.. Bygones are Bygones.. 

But My Papa is nuin like it ... He's an orthodox belligerent man..

Would kill me.. if I cross a line.. Which apparently I HAVE.. on whatsoever basis you classify..!

I ring the Bell.. 

The song playing in my mind... #S&M 

"I Maybe Bad... But I'm perfectly God At it" - Rihanna & My Father.

He opens the door..

-"Where the Hell have you been?"
-"I was at Hiranandani, Paa"
-"Why? I have warned you ... Buff-Buff-Buff-Buff-Puff-Puff-Blah-Puff-Blah-Puff-Blah-Puff-Buff-Buff-Boobs-Buff-Puff-Puff-Puff Phuss Have I Not?"
-"Uhhhhhgg.. Yeaa Paa"
-"Then why is it that everytime .. Blupprr-bluff-buff-buff-puff-buffle .. Huh?"
-"Haan Papa"
-"Kya 'Haan Papa'?? Wht did i ask you? __________________________________________
He's got hair on his ears...!
OMG!! how come I never noticed this all these years.
Look at them.. Erect Hair on the Auditory Area..
Does it serve the same function as Nasal Hair? Saving the Nose with with all the Crap.
So hair on the ears saves him frm hearing to all the Bullshit he does nt want to hear.. Whooaa!! Cool.
BUT Can he not even hear the CRAP tat he talks at times..
Or does it just Mute when he blabbers crap.

-"Anoop. answer me"
I don remember if I'v seen this on anyone else ..
Last one must be Dumbledore. i suppose..
With hair on every friggin inch of the body and and Sardar Tara singh, mulund nagar sevak.

"Get him outta my sight"- My Father Roared
-"Why? You think I'm Drunk? ....Here

<makes him smell his breathe>
.... BURRPP!! "
<A milkish burp on his face

I was made to go in my room after that
where the moment I hit the Bed. I was Dead